Finding Ease in Chaos

I'm in the midst of some serious event planning at work. I'm staying late at the office and running extra errands. I'm calling, e-mailing, and following up for hours each day with attendees, sponsors, speakers, and caterers. For every item checked off my to-do list, it seems three more tasks must be done. I'm consumed and overwhelmed by the details.

When I'm this busy, the first thing I stop doing is taking care of myself. I skipped breakfast everyday last week and lunch twice. I didn't wash my face properly for four days. I forgot to take my medication three times and skipped the vitamins altogether. I didn't cook dinner, opting instead for drive thru or take out most nights. I forgot to pay my water bill and still haven't made an appointment to get my hair cut. I'm completely neglecting myself.

It seems all healthy habits and self care fall to the wayside at precisely the time when I need it most.

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My unfortunate inclination is to beat myself up over this. "You didn't eat breakfast or lunch today. No wonder you're hungry, you idiot! You're getting take-out again? You are so lazy. You're water bill is overdue. You're so irresponsible!"

The problem with this kind of self talk is that over time I've come to believe these terrible things to be true. It's made me question my worth, my abilities, and even my sanity. Slowly, I'm learning to step back and evaluate the things I tell myself.

Am I really lazy and irresponsible? Quite the opposite. Would a lazy or irresponsible person be tasked with planning a landmark event for over 400 people? The short answer is NO.

Clearly I'm ambitious and responsible when it comes to my work, so why can't I pull it together when it comes to self-care? After all, I'm worthy of just as much care and attention as I give to the event planning process.

Today, the new moon holds the promise of a fresh start and I'm ready to renew my commitment to better self care and compassion.

It's a wonderful time to reflect on the feelings and experiences we wish to manifest for ourselves. For me this month, it's all about finding a sense of ease in the chaos, attending to my basic needs, and making time and space for a little extra self care. 

What are your intentions for the coming month? What do you need most right now? I'd love to know. Feel free to leave it here or send me an e-mail. I promise to hold it and nurture it with tender loving care.