I Know

Sometimes I feel compelled to move backward, not forward.
I know.

It's comfortable there. It's familiar.
I know.

I fear success just as much as I fear failure.
I know.

When I start to gain momentum, 
I withdraw and run for cover. 
I know.

I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I know.

I'll do anything to block these feelings.
I know.

I'll close myself off from the world.
I know.

I'll stifle my creativity and silence my voice.
I know.

But my mind is full of chatter and I can't shut it off.
I know.

I don't know how to be this open.
I know.

And I'm tired of trying so damn hard.
I know.

I just want it to come easy.
I know.

My dreams feel so very far away.
I know.

Like a helium balloon, drifting away, farther from my reach.
I know.

These are the things I tell myself, but can't seem to say out loud.
I know.

But I'm not ready to give up just yet.
I know.